I feel like I've been kicked in the proverbial unmentionables. You know, just one of those spots where you are the most vulnerable.

So I counted up the demons, and saw I had one for every day;

I put the good ones on my shoulder, and drove the other ones away. 

Note to self, be on guard against lurking self-pity. And yes, it is unreal to go to the other extreme and blame everything on oneself. Accept reality, try as hard as you can to not try to escape or deny it. It is bloody hard to do, because this escapist impulse has buried its roots deep into your psyche.

Please let me achieve this, Absolute One. Grant me the ability to accept.

What is this inexplicable sweetness entwined so closely with the stench of death?
Why self flagellate?

Can't the past remain the past and let the present be? Why does this process take so much time? Is it because you have woven Josef K into your being with such dexterity and thoroughness that even the most unpleasant memory lingers, because you secretly want it to?

While knowing very well meanwhile that temporary escape is pointless, as is denial? Where is peace of mind to be found?